When I wake up the first thing I do is sprint to my phone to see what presents the Yellow Holy Ghost has left me. I can’t wait to download the new material for my spank bank! I hope he left me some 3 and 7 second Snap mixed-gift variety packs – I can never make it through the 10 second ones if I haven’t had a spoonful of my
orange flavored medicine Adderall.
or if I got the classy, bathroom mirror, looking over the shoulder, tongue out, reverse ass ones??
Hooray!! My phone is full of snaptabulous gifts! Let’s see what I got…
FUCCCK! I hate my buddy aka “The White Ghost Bastard Saint Dick”. I can already hear him laughing at me. You know what he leaves me everyday? Thousands of 10 second screen shots of his veiny, slightly bent to the left (obvious right hand jerker) private little dancer dickchats.
Thank God my buddy’s junk is now permanently oxidized on the walls of my mind. When I close my eyes, all I can see is his earth worm Etch-a-Sketched on the back of my eyelids, like some early form of gay caveman porn. I bet this is why Jonah Hill was addicted to drawing dicks. He must have been buddies with that asshole Percy.
A few more years of this and I will be in a mental hospital, dressed up in my favorite Pee-wee Herman suit, sketching the baJesus out of dicks all day. “What’s that you say, Cow Boy Curtis? Did you just say dick? That’s the “SECRET WORD”, everybody scream AHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
Take that dick bucket list.
Thank goodness my dick-addicted future looney bin suite mate also had an asshole buddy.
PS: 39 official times dick was mentioned in this article and 14 dick drawings. I think someone just earned a “personal best” sticker!
By Max Powers